Thursday, November 16, 2017

moist host - moist host

label: butter flavored records
released: 2004

during my time in south dakota i became aware of a few local bands.
this being one of them.
i'd never seen them live but i was given this cd by the band's bassist/vocals guy.
he was then a member of a band called south mouth.
i'd seem them.
they were a bunch of fun guys.
they were one of those bands that were all like "what? you have a band out on tour and you'd like to make a stop in this town? in. this. town? our town? you want to do your thing in front of a group of people in our town? sure. why not. that could be fun. but we have to go on before you. it's the only way you're going to go over in this town. i don't care if you are metallica. no one has even heard of you. "what the fuck is metallica?" they're saying. you want that exposure? we're the way in,bro. get it? got it? good."
that town being sioux falls.
but we're not here to discuss south mouth.
we want to talk about moist host,yeah?
moist host.
that's right.
moist and host.
paints quite the picture,dunnit?
it paints pictures that you don't really want to see.
you're all like "that's nice,gramma." while not really even looking at it.
"i call this one "special olympic girls gone wild" she says.
"i haven't had near enough cough medicine for this." you find yourself thinking.
"this is going to be a long weekend." you're thinking.
"and i call this one "hot pandering crustaceous rectal dentistry." she says.
you just glance over at her and then notice the dish filled with candy on the table between you.
you take a handful and shove it into your mouth.
"what the fuck kind of candy is this?" you're thinking.
and then you start flipping through the channels until you happen upon an episode of FRIENDS.
"and this one is called "dick and seymore butkus."
you nod.
and then you start to feel something.
and suddenly you're inside the coffee house.
but no one is paying any attention to you.
how can they not see you?
you're sitting on that couch.
what the fuck,FRIENDS!.
why isn't anyone buying you cup of coffee?
why isn't anyone buying you a muffin?
and then chandler looks at you and says "could the hot crustaceous rectal dentistry be any more pandering?"
what is happening?
what the fuck is happening?!
why can't i wake-

so if you're down with tunes like some arab on radar or early blood brothers or come combatwoundedveteran or some men's recovery system or some nomeansno or some spazz or those sounds you'd hear coming from the stall next to you at any truck stop....


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