v/a - buddyhead presents: gimme skelter

label: buddyhead
released: 2003

you like compilations.
we like compilations.
this is a compilation.

1 - iggy pop - introduction
2 - iggy pop - opening: new york is beating its chest...again
3 - mudhoney - hard-on for war
4 - yeah yeah yeahs - shot down
5 - pleasure forever - king cobra in the guts of valhalla
6 - iggy pop - interlude: go metal
7 - burning brides - overhead metal erection
8 - primal scream - shoot speed/kill light (live)
9 - dead meadow - let's jump in
10 - iggy pop - intermission: demon trance
11 - starvations - last night i had a nightmare we got married
12 - beehive & the barracudas - up in flames
13 - your enemies friends - back of a taxi (alternative grunge mix)
14 - le tigre - mediocrity rules
15 - wire - spent (under,faster mix)
16 - radio vago - intro/yearly note
17 - cave in - harmless armless/minus world
18 - weezer - you won't get with me tonight
19 - the icarus line - losing touch with my mind
20 - iggy pop - closing: a brief history of amerikkka
21 - shat - what the fuck do you think christina aguilera is doing right now?
22 - untitled track*

*=it's nardwuar "interviewing" iggy pop

DL

fear factory - soul of a new machine

label: roadrunner
released: 1992

here's a fun story that you can share the next time you're standing around the water cooler at work: fear factory had their song "replica" from the DEMANUFACTURE album included on the THE OZZFEST LIVE compilation back in 1997. shut up! like you didn't own it! like you've never been to one! fuck off! where you going? i'm not done with my story. you will stand there until i'm done! gloria! you sit the fuck down! you sit the fuck down right now! now where was i? oh yeah. right before they launch into the song their singer is all like "fuck mtv!" fuck yeah,right? wrong. the band later went on to play an mtv sponsored sporting event. yeah. they played while some wrasslers from the wcw did their wrasslin' thing during their spring break shindig back in 1999. i know,right? fucking kid rock was even there. they played "shock" and "edgecrusher" and "descent" off of the OBSELETE album. look that shit up on youtube,bro."

and then security showed up and you had to escape via one of the stairwells and then you went home and pulled the duffle bag out of the secret spot you'd made in the floor in the in the hallway closet. everything was there. the money. the fake mustache. the 70s cop sunglasses. but before your leave the apartment you go to the refrigerator and take out the last bottle of yoohoo. no one gets the yoohoo. no one but you. fuck you,society. fuck you.


DL

ministry - twitch

label: sire
released: 1986

"pussy shit." -al jourgensen

what more can be said about this album that hasn't already been said about it before....
"at least it's not WITH SYMPATHY."
sure.
but i've come to appreciate WITH SYMPATHY over time.
i don't mind it.
and then there's this.
if you were to play WITH SYMPATHY and THE LAND OF RAPE AND HONEY at the same time you'd get TWITCH.
you know that quiet kid that always sat by himself during lunch back in high school?
the one that all of the jocks would say shitty things to.
the one that would be walking to class and they'd get their books slapped out of their hands.
yeah.
that one.
TWITCH is that kid starting to get the courage to stand and look everyone in the eye.
just remember that kid will eventually become PSALM 69.
just remember that.

DL

the tanks - keep breaking down

label: scenester credentials
released: 2008

early clutch.
gay with abortion.
early helmet.
(the) melvins.

but with jello biafra vocals.

know what i mean?

and yes i know that jello biafra fronted the melvins for 2 albums.
the jelvins if you will.
but this is better than that.
that's right.
i said it.

DL

agress - 2009 demo

label: self released
released: 2009

once upon a time there was a band called agress. they were from cedar falls,ia. they've since split up and members went on to play in bands with the names black ice and lover's speed.

during their time as agress i managed to see them once. i'd put on a show that went down in jefferson,sd back in 2009. that's where i'd picked this up. yes. jefferson,sd at their community center. i was living in south dakota at the time though not in jefferson. there was a band that i'd been acquainted with at the time called tree. they were from sioux city,ia which was about 15 miles from jefferson and they'd played shows there from time to time so they hooked the location up. and now you know the story of the location. and as far as i know the community center has been closed down.

as for agress....
my first thought was "oh man! their singer has a thundercats belt buckle! sweet!". and then came the sounds. they played for roughly 30 minutes. "they could be best described as someone approaching a brick wall and bashing their body into until they made it through to the other side". that's what someone said. i was that someone. surprised? yeah. and then thoughts of bands like 16 and unsane and deadguy came to mind. and if i had been aware of the band nails back then they would've crossed my mind as well.

and with all of that being said i think that i've given you all of the information you need.
now go.
do what needs to be doing.

what are you still doing here?
what do you want?
fine.
let's just say that i could visit the corn palace and i'd been to shows in sioux falls.
satisfied?
sheeeeeeeeesh.

DL

testament - low

label: atlantic
released: 1994

i've been a fan of testament since high school. my first foray into testamantland was via HEADBANGERS BALL and the video for "souls of black". and then there was that kid in high school that was all into the metals. he'd helped it along by lending me some tapes. yes. tapes. THE NEW ORDER and PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH and SOULS OF BLACK. he'd also loaned me a vhs copy of megadeth playing "hangar 18" on THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW. that was crazy. i'd even seen the band living colour play "cult of personality" on THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW. the audience had no fucking idea what was happening. after having seen that of course i automatically went out and purchased a pair of orange skin tight shorts. but that's another story for another time.

i'm not really sure as to the reasoning behind my initial purchasing of this album.
maybe it was the cover art as i was a fan of dave mckean.
yeah.
i was really into comic books at the time.
you need to search out ARKHAM ASYLUM: A SERIOUS HOUSE ON SERIOUS EARTH.
and yes i know that it's a graphic novel.
shut up,nerd.

moving on.

maybe i'd just picked it up because of it being testament.
you don't know.
you weren't there.
just go and look at the security camera footage.

after having bought it it rarely left my walkman.
it had everything i needed in my life at the time.
grizzly bear vocals and kick-ass drumming.
and speaking of the drumming....
john tempesta.
fuck you,rob zombie.
you didn't know what you had there.
yeah.
let's just use some electronic sounding drums instead of awesomeness.

and yes.
even though i wasn't going to mention it the guitar playing was kick-ass as well.
i'm a fan of james murphy.
go and listen to death's SPIRITUAL HEALING.
go and listen to disincarnate's DREAMS OF THE CARRION KIND.
ok.....

i've always appreciated the fact that testament haven't given up their on their roots.
yeah.
i'm looking at you metallica.
you should've called it a day after AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.
i'm looking at you megadeth.
you should've called it a day after RUST IN PEACE.
i'm looking at you slayer.
you should've called it a day after SEASONS IN THE ABYSS.
but that's another rant for another time.
and besides....
you know i'm right.
you,the reader.
anthrax?
what about them?
anthrax are ok.
i even kinda sorta like the john bush albums.
fun fact: once upon a time i got a stripper to do her thing to the song "gridlock". it was pretty impressive. and that is how i met your mother,kids.

DL

crank sanatra - 2005 demo

label: self released
released: 2005

milquelizard
uncle touchy
genki genki panic

you know the names.
they all have something in common.
and that thing is [redacted].
we here at the SGM aren't allowed to talk about it.
there are black vans involved.
and these vans always seem to have the theme song to UNSOLVED MYSTERIES coming from the inside.
so yeah.
but what i can tell you is that the link comes in the form of a person.
no.
no literally.
maybe literally?
it doesn't matter.
what this person does in private is that person's business.
i know.
but this person always somehow finds the camera and covers it up.
the first time this person appeared to us at the SGM offices he was wearing a lucha libre mask and a cape and a neon pink thong.
when asked for an autograph he left behind 3 words: narcissitic ritualistic sexorcism
he then asked to use the bathroom.
and that's the last we'd seen of him.
we sometimes leave a bottle of strawberry kiwi mad dog 20/20 and a bag of flamin' hot funyuns under a large box being held up by a stick that has a rope attached to it in hopes of trapping this person but this person always manages to not trip the trap.
the mad dog 20/20 and flamin' hot funyuns fund is running low and we need your help.
yeah.
that's why i'm standing here with you in the stall.
i just don't take the time out of my day to just randomly stand in bathroom stalls.
well.
not anymore.
want a cookie?
yeah.
i'm sure you do.


DL

the red chord - fused together in revolving doors

label: robotic empire
released: 2002

the early 00s was a wonderous time to be alive.
unless you were aware of the mp3.com you'd think that music had all but died (well. at least on its way there).
as mentioned here on the SGM i'd done alot of poking and prodding around there....
a life once lost.
choke their rivers with our dead.
circle takes the square.
daughters.
guyana punch line.
maudlin of the well.
nuclear rabbit.
the postman syndrome.

just to name a few.
and no.
i didn't discover them in alphabetical order.
silly.

and then there's the red chord.
the first song i'd ever heard from them came from this album in the form of "dreaming in dog years".
it was such a clusterfuck.
chaotic precision.
the vocals reminded me of brutal truth's kevin sharp because of how it would go from completely fucking guttural like an attacking bear to an anguished scream like that same bear trying to tear itself free from a bear trap.
know what i mean?
sure you do.

and then that voice was trying to convince me that everything wasn't going to be all right and it wasn't going to be ok.....
i was fucking sold on this band and i wanted to subscribe to their newsletter.

do you own a copy of HELLFEST 2003 on dvd?
no?
what you need to do then is go into the youtubes and look for them performing "dreaming in dog years".
that's what they're all about,kid.

this album may be alot for most folks to take in at first.
the entire thing kicks off with the equivalent to someone screaming at you while firing off a semi-automatic weapon.
aka "nihilist".
also worth mentioning: this entire fucking album,pussy.

listen.
i've either already sold you on this album or i haven't or you're all like "oh man! finally! i lost my copy in the divorce! ha! fuck you,(insert name here)! you're the bestest,SGM!".

agreed.
we are the bestest.
take that,(insert name here).

DL

cream abdul babar - covering the track marks

label: underadar
released: 2006

you look as if you've been to the waffle house a few times.
am i correct in that assumption?
of course i am.
i can see the hashbrowns on the front of your shirt.
i can see that they've been there for awhile now.
no.
you can't even play the "i'm saving it for later" card.
that could've been played days ago.
but not now.
but i'm not here to criticize your apparel.
but i admire your dedication.
moving on.
waffle house hashbrowns.
i prefer mine smothered and covered.
yeah.
just like the unsane album.
nice one.
moving on.
this is a band called cream abdul babar.
they're from florida.
this is an album made up of covers.
and that's why i made the hashbrowns analogy.
yeah.
i can see by that smile that you appreciate a good analogy.
and now stop smiling.
you still have some hashbrowns....
yeah.
cream abdul babar have scattered themselves all over these songs.
they've covered bands with names like:
helmet
the jesus lizard
ministry

yeah.
things we here at the SGM enjoy.

so now that we've gotten all of that out of the way.....
let's go and get you a new shirt.
i hope you don't mind anal cunt.
no no.
come back.
it's a shirt.
i made it myself.


DL

breadwinner - 1990 demo

you may remember this band's name being bandied about around here from time to time in reference to bands with names like:
butterglove
honor role
ladyfiner
loincloth
and that's because they all share members.

and sure.
i could just leave this review with just that.
you probably already know about breadwinner anyway.
but what about those that don't,hmmmmmm?
what about those folks?
those folks might get some enjoyment out this if they dig bands with names like:
don caballero
battles (give their EP C a listen)
crime in choir (give their SELF-TITLED album a go)
lamb of god (when they were known as burn the priest and the NEW AMERICAN GOSPEL. what? you don't know about that album? come on now. you've heard of steve austin,yeah? no. not that steve austin. today is the day steve austin. yeah. that guy. you know what he's all about. he produced that album. he even shows up on the song "terror and hubris in the house of frank pollard" with some vocals. get it on some of that,man. this was before they became pantera. lamb of god. not today is the day. wouldn't that be funny. but that's another rant for another time.)

ok.
i've said enough.
you're just going to have to find it out for yourself.
i can only do so much.
and maybe i was just throwing out random bands names.
who knows.
i'll never tell.

DL

Victory Hands and Meat Wave TONIGHT! Atlanta, Get Off Your Ass

Victory Hands, our absolute favorite Richard Nixon based post-hardcore band are playing a rare show. And they’ve made it doubly worth your time by roping Chicago’s finest active band, Meat Wave to headline. And it’s cheap. And it won’t keep you out until all hours of the night.

Get to Kavarna in Oakhurst TONIGHT by 8:00. Bring $4.00...American dollars, thank you very much.

Victory Hands have a new record set to be released in December, which we have had the privilege of heart not already, and assure you, the trusting reader, it’s killer. Full review closervto release date...but trust me, you’ve never heard a better song chronicling Soviet Premiere Kruschev discussing by modern kitchen design. You have the Shiny Grey Monotone Money Back Guarantee on it!

The important thing here though, is if you’re within sight of Stone Mountain, or less than 100 miles from Eats, than you need to be pointed in the direction of this show.

skinny puppy - too dark park live backing instrumentals

"he's seeing monsters. he's losing his mind and he feels it going."

fun fact: TOO DARK PARK was one of my go-to albums back when i'd get high. i'd just strap on the headphones and i'd let it take me places. it's also a good way to find out who's on hallucinogens at parties. i know that for a fact. i've done it. i just slipped it into the stereo and pressed play and walked away. and by song #3 (aka "spasmolytic") some folks have a look on their face that says "who the fuck put in the exorcism?!" and then they all became intensely-extremely-terribly uncomfortable and then they're looking for the door. and i was totally ok with that because that just meant there would be more potato chips for me.

"i overheard frederick talking to one of his friends on the phone last night. he mentioned something called a skinny puppy. i just hope that doesn't mean i'll find him hanging nude from a rope attached to eddie's dog collar in a closet."
*audience laughter*
that's taken from the episode of FRASIER titled "high holidays" in which frasier's son pays him a visit and it's discovered that he's going though a goth phase.*

this is the music that accompanied the films being shown behind the band while they were on stage during the TOO DARK PARK tour.

and now you can stop writing about how much you want to be ogre in your diary!
it's been turned into a reality!
though you might want to invest in some plastic sheeting and scothgard.
just as a precaution.
and if your parents come pounding on your bedroom door to complain about the noise....
just tell them that you're interrogating terrorists.

*=this may or may not have actually happened

DL

fantomas - fantomas

label: ipecac
released: 1999

i can remember the day that i bought this album....

a friend and i had found ourselves at a mall. that friend had to follow me from music store to music store. he knew what he was getting himself into. he was aware of everything going into that situation. folks don't seem to like going into certain types of places with me....

1: music stores
2: book stores
3: all-you-can-eat buffets*
*mostly because i loudly state "challenge accepted!" as i walk in. fuck 'em. my gramma always thought it was funny.

they didn't like going into these places with me so much that i've seen a simple game of rock/paper/scissors break out into a FIGHT CLUB kind of situation. apparently i take too long. having friends isn't all that it's cracked up to be most times.

i'd left that day with a copy of this and macabre's SINISTER SLAUGHTER.
my friend would go on to pronounce it "mah-cuh-bray".
it was just adorable.
and i know what you're probably thinking: "hey,man. shouldn't you have already owned a copy of that album? you just trying to fit in with the cool kids,huh? i knew it. you're not my real dad. poser."
actually that would be the second time i'd bought the album.
i was just surprised to actually see it in a store at the mall.
i'd been thinking that i was going to have to take the mail order route just like the first time.
i'd gotten it via the relapse records catalog.
i'd also ordered a copy of the BEHIND THE WALL OF SLEEP ep.
once upon a time i'd convinced a girl that i'd been seeing to go and see macabre play a show at an "art space" in rock island,il back in 2000. they were playing with a band called waco jesus. she had absolutely no idea what she was getting herself into. metal music to her was metallica and the like. she seemed to enjoy herself though. kept asking me why macabre's drummer would get up after every song and stretch his legs and complain. apparently he wasn't able to do his normal routine beforehand. i picked up one of their NIGHTSTALKER long sleeve t-shirts. i could never convince her to wear it though. because it was halloween we were able to wear costumes to work. i was the guy in corpsepaint and the macabre t-shirt doling out the fried foods at the burger king. the urban legend is true.

that's a good story,grampa.
but what about the fantomas....

after we'd left the mall we went back to my friend's house. he was still living at home as he was still in high school at the time. he was a senior. apparently that's what seniors in high school did back then. he was wandering around doing whatever and i was sitting in his room. i needed to hear the fantomas album. fucking needed to. i'd been reading things about it. it had everything that wanted. faith no more. the melvins. slayer. mr. bungle. all of it conveniently in one place. i was about 10 songs in when i started to hear things like "is the cd scratched?" and "could you just let a song play all the way through,man?! you're gonna fuck up my stereo!". and i was all like "*coughfuckyourstereo*". and he was all like "what?". and i was all like "could you bring me a soda?".

yeah.

DL

v/a - alternative nation

label: mushroom records
released: 1995

the years was 1995.
this was the alternative music.
the alternative nation was a festival that went on in the land down undah.
yeah.
australia.
they were all like "you call that a lollapalooza? this is a lollapalooza.".
it turns out that it wasn't.
yeah.

1 - faith no more - get out
2 - pop will eat itself - ich bin ein auslander
3 - peyote - bean curst
4 - supergroove - you freak me
5 - the flaming lips - super humans
6 - the tea party - sun going down
7 - ween - can't put my finger on it
8 - violent femmes - life is an adventure
9 - lou reed - warrior king
10 - nitrocris - haemorrhaging souls
11 - def fx - running from shadows
12 - chalk - elephant gun
13 - primus - those damned blue collar tweekers
14 - andy prieboy - how would i know love now
15 - horsehead - oil and water
16 - L7 - freak magnet
17 - downtime - downtime
18 - body count - born dead

DL

v/a - athfest 99

label: ghostmeat records
released: 1999

the closest i've ever been to athens,ga were the times i took interstate 75 south on my way to florida.
it's some nice scenery to look at whilst driving.
and the waffle houses.
more like awful house.
am i right?
no i'm not.
and if you agree with that you've never been to a waffle house and you're just trying to look cool in front of your dog.
waffle house is fucking awesome.
end of story.
and i know what you're thinking....
interstate 75 isn't really anywhere near athens.
so maybe the closest to athens that i've gotten have the times that i've seen the band jucifer.
yeah.
jucifer are from athens.
jucifer are on this compilation.
jucifer are the reason i bought this compilation.
though i don't really remember from where.
hmmmmmmmmmm.
well it wasn't in athens i can tell you that much.
i don't really think that i'd want to go to athens because i could possibly maybe run into michael stipe.
and where there's michael stipe there's going to be michael stipe's penis.
and i don't really feel all that comfortable with that sort of thing.
don't know what i'm talking about?
you're just going to have to go to the google for that sort of thing.
i don't want to talk about it.
i'll just say that i've seen michael stipe's penis.
and that's all i'm going to say about it.
but don't get me wrong....
i don't have a problem with michael stipe.
and i don't have a problem with r.e.m.
it's just.....

yeah.
so.

this is a compilation of bands that have been involved in ATHFEST.
and as far as i know they're all from athens.
there's a little something for most folks on it.
do you have questions as to what an ATHFEST is?
go to google.
you can look that up after having looked up michael stipe's penis.

1 - the glands - livin' was easy
2 - jucifer - nickel to roll
3 - empire state - pie pan
4 - vaudeville - hat trick
5 - jack logan - mama's door
6 - dayroom - batter days
7 - hayride - bucket brigade
8 - slackdaddy - gravity
9 - planet jive - gabby pants
10 - the lures - goner
11 - cafeteria - them or me
12 - jennifer goree - 3rd time takes its toll
13 - mike mantione - oh surgery
14 - michael - oppression for a poet
15 - david barbe - 2 small stones
16 - wunderkind - tapping out code
17 - drip - subtle deliberate drone
18 - star room boys
19 - michael stipe's penis - somewhere out there*
*=james ingram/linda ronstadt cover


DL

jumbo's killcrane - scratch

label: self-released
released: 1999

i can see by that t-shirt you're wearing that you enjoy some nirvana.
that's the cover of the BLEACH album,yeah?
thought so.
does that also mean you dig the melvins?
thought so.
what about mule?
i can tell by the look on your face that you've never heard of them.
or maybe you'd been kicked by one and you don't want to talk about it?
ok.
what about the band snail?
yes.
there's a band called snail.
i thought that maybe you'd already put that together for yourself.
you really need to expand your horizons,kid.
ok.
go back and listen to BLEACH.
and then listen to STONER WITCH.
yeah.
the melvins album.
and then look for the mule album IF I DON'T SIX.
and then look for the SELF-TITLED snail album.
listen to all of them back to back.
and then you should be ready for some jumbo's killcrane.
fun fact: my grade school gym teacher used to call me jumbo's killcrane.
i don't wanna talk about it.
just never you mind what i'm doing in your hallway at 3:00 in the am.
but you can go back to bed knowing that i didn't.
didn't what?
exactly.

DL

nuclear rabbit - more human

label: beach recordings
released: 2000

remember mp3.com?
yeah.
once upon a time there was a website that you could go to and there would be all kinds of bands.
bands you'd possibly heard of.
bands you'd possibly never heard of.
and you could download their musics.
and that's just what i would do.
i'd had multiples cds filled with stuff.
and that's where i'd discovered nuclear rabbit.

what can be said about some nuclear rabbit.....
the first thing that'll come to mind is "hey. these here fellers like them some mr. bungle."
but that's ok.
this is more SELF-TITLED mr. bungle than anything released after SELF-TITLED mr. bungle.
but still mr. bungle-like nonetheless.
mr. bungle.
and primus.
and maybe some fishbone.
that sounds about right.

LINK FIXED: 10.25

DL

the jesus lizard - 5.18.96 - aron's records - los angeles,ca

remember that one band the jesus lizard?
it's been awhile.
i wonder what they've been up to....

1 - nub
2 - killer mchaan
3 - monkey trick

LINK FIXED: 10.25

DL

v/a - 20 years of dischord

label: dischord
released: 2002

you already know what this is.
so all i'm going to say is this: there comes a time where "indefinite hiatus" takes on another meaning. yeah. i'm looking at you,fugazi.

i'm also going to dedicate this post to someone. her name is amanda. if it weren't for her i probably wouldn't even know what a "dischord records" is. well. maybe i would've found out eventually. we'll never know....

fugazi are one of the bands that helped to expand my musical vocabulary outside of the metallicas and the slayers and the cannibal corpses.

it was the early 90s and i was staying in denison,ia. i was attending job corps. you know what job corps is,yeah? it's a trade school. i'd been sent there because i didn't really have any direction in my life. i'd been living with my aunt. and apparently she could only come home to the kick-ass buildings i'd constructed out of lincoln logs and popsicle sticks so many times. but i know what was going on. she was jealous. she'd get up at 4:00am and be at work all day and i'd roll out of bed at the crack of noon and start building (while watching tv and eating of course). what a sucker,man! she was just jealous of my art! everyone was!

but i digress....

i was in job corps.
i was going to work on getting my GoodEnoughDiploma.
i was going to do some bricklaying as that was the next logical step beyond lincoln logs.
and then it hit me....
this was me.
this was me working with cement and bricks.
not so much.
so i went into the culinary arts.
there just wasn't a future in that sort of thing.
you can't eat bricks,bro.
i mean....
you can if'n you'd like.
don't let me step all over your dreams.
that's not who i am.
so i remained practicing the culinary arts for the remainder of my time there.
and that led to me seeing a fairly decent pair of breasts.
but that's another story for another time.
as i was-
oh?
you want to hear that story?
fair enough.
who am i to deny you a story about boobs.....
seeing as how i was in the culinary arts program i was given entry to the kitchen area. and then there was this girl. i don't remember what her name was. she'd approached me one day in the cafeteria and asked me if i were in the culinary class. i told her that i was. and then a deal was struck. if i were to bring her a bag of the m&ms that were used in the baking of cookies or whatnot she'd show me the tattoo of a mouse that was on her chest. she pointed at the left side. she'd barely gotten the request out of her mouth before i gave her an answer. duh! i'd made a promise to myself at the age of 5 to see as many breasts as possible. so the deal was made. the next day we'd meet in the stairwell just off of the cafeteria. the next day we met in the stairwell. i was there with the bag of m&ms. she was there with her...er...bags. the exchange was made and i took a few steps back. i wanted to take all of it in. she set the bag down at her feet and gave me a look. "ready?" she asked. i nodded my head. she gripped the bottom of her shirt. she gripped the bottom of her bra. and up they went. and there they were. and there was.....

there was nothing. no tattoo. just bare skin. just boobs.
"oops! i guess my pussy ate it!"
and i just stared back at her through squinted eyes.
admittedly they were nice to look at.
a solid c cup.
but i was expecting to see a mouse as i'd never seen an actual real life mouse tattoo.
and now i'd been robbed of that chance.
"you,madam,are a scoundrel and i shan't be recommending you to my friends! good day!"
and then i exited the stairwell.

that may or may not have actually happened.
you weren't in that stairwell.
you'll never know.
for all you know i could've just stood bashful-like and been all like "oh garsh!".
yeah.

but i digress....

job corps.
i'd had 3 roommates.
one of the roommates was named james.
james was the only one in the room with a girlfriend.
you guessed it.
amanda.
she was a punk rock girl. had the armpit hair and everything. at the time i hadn't been exposed to such things. i was intrigued. i was smitten. and once i was able to move past the "um...yeah...hi" phase we were able to have some good talks. during one of these talks i randomly asked her to loan me one of her tapes. didn't matter which. she brought me something that had someone standing on their head on its cover. "fugazi,eh?". she told me to trust her. so i listened to it. i couldn't really get into it at first. where was the double bass? where were the fast guitars? where was the screaming? but then the basslines made their way into my head. and then it was the drumming. and then i started to listen to it more and more. i'd been hooked. things changed. i suddenly felt that it was going to be ok to be wearing a slayer t-shirt while in the "indie" part of the music store. and now no one likes venturing into music stores with me.

so all of this goes out to amanda.
wherever she is nowadays.
perhaps she's driving her kids around in a minivan and they're all singing along to that very same fugazi album.
SITTIN' IN THE MINIVAN!
OOOOOOOH!

yeah.

the listing of the tracks: here

LINKS FIXED: 10.25

DISC 1

DISC 2

DISC 3

melvins - alive at the fucker club

label: amphetamine reptile
released: 1998

yeah.
it's been awhile since we've had the melvins on.
yeah.
i know.
it's a real got-danged shame.
i apologize.

and i hate to be the bearer of bad news but....
there is no such thing as the fucker club.
but we've put in some paperwork.
and of course we'll be hiring.
so the next time you find some stranger in your kitchen at 3:00am don't freak out.
remember.
we're hiring.
and that may or may not have something to do with the application process.

and now we've come to the part of the show where i share a personal melvins story with you.
gather 'round.
all of the windows and doors are locked.

once upon a time i witnessed the melvins play at the ozzfest. it was 1998 at alpine valley in wisconsin. they were (of course) playing the second stage. i'd seen alot of bands that day but the only one that i can seem to remember anything about are the melvins. i was perched under a shade tree as it was hot that day. the day had been pretty uneventful thus far. my friend and i were still talking about the folks out in the parking lot feeding acid to cows before they let everyone in (which if you really think about it: that's the perfect melvins opener.). the venue's parking lot was surrounded by pasture land. and this was pasture land in wisconsin so of course there were cows. on the way home i felt really let down by the fact that i didn't see any cheese pastures. i'd really wanted to go cheese tipping. but that's another story for another time. so the melvins had a 30 minute slot to fill. i don't remember who played before them. i don't remember who followed them. but what i do remember is them playing "boris" for the entirety of their time onstage. no one knew what the fuck was going on. no one wanted them to be there. "you suck!" and "get off the fucking stage!" and "who the fuck is this?!" and "did i forget the baby in the car?" was overheard the entire time. and when buzzo wasn't playing he was mocking the audience. it was fucking glorious. fuck you,fred durst!

calm down,grampa.
that was a good story.
now take your pills.

DL

lungfish - 12.5.03 - empty bottle - chicago,il

you've been coming around these parts for awhile now.
you know about lungfish.
and i know that i say that alot.
i say it because you wander around with a lost look on your face.
a look that says "i went out for ice cream. i told them i'd be right back. that was 1989. is it still 1989? what's 1989? iced cream?"
yeah.

if you like practically anything released on dischord records....
yeah.

and some quotes from others that wander around here as well:

"this shit is fucking scary . in a good way of course. open your cranium." -anonymous

"it is fucking scary. like an angel telling you shit you know is true but you can't understand." -anonymous

"if you ever wanted to have something in common with your cool/hip/happening english teacher...this is a good place to start" -ipecac

"quit listening to this music and fucking turn in your assignment. that's right. i used that word. who is going to believe you? i'm wearing a sweater vest and a tie and carry around a copy of LORD OF THE FLIES. no one who does such things would think to stoop to the level of using the word "fucking". see? i've done it again. oh my. oh. my. and now if you'll excuse me i have to and look for something in the janitor's closet with this issue of PROPER GIRLS IN SWEATER VESTS SPEAKING SLANG." -my high school english teacher

1 - spheres of influence
2 - indivisible
3 - child of chaos
4 - love is love
5 - this world
6 - vulgar theories
7 - signpost
8 - unfold the leg
9 - jonah
10 - lay yourself aside
11 - fearfully and wonderfully
12 - well alright
13 - yellow sun
14 - no false suns
15 - armageddon
16 - you did not exist

DL

slint - 10.27.90 - wrocklodge - louisville,ky

to paraphrase some guy: "slint are the doom fugazi."

actually.
it's not just some guy.
the guy has a name.
and that name is: chris.
his parents probably gave it to him.
and he's been in bands.
bands that can be found scattered all over the place.
crank sinatra.
milquelizard.
uncle touchy.
genki genki panic.
waffle house bathrooms.

i wasn't going to bring any of that up at first because i didn't want to make you feel bad for not knowing folks in bands.
but if i hadn't you would've just been all like "some guy? you don't know some guy! you've been saying that you know some guy for years now! just because you run into some guy in a public restroom doesn't mean you actually know him! psssssssssssssh!"

you're right.
i'm not even really all that sure that chris actually exists.
i've looked in all of the usual places:
the bushes
the wall at the post office
in the shadows of any adult bookstore anywhere
that box where the gimp lives
right behind me
rip taylor look-alike contests
the supposed private suite at any free clinic in the world

but i did talk to him on the phone a few years back.
he was backstage at a iwrestledabearonce show.
no.
really.
it's an actual band.
and he put me on the phone with their then lead singer.
her name was krysta.
i talked to her for a mere 30 seconds before she handed the phone back to him with a confused look on her face.
that's what i do.
it's my thing.
i make people feel awkward and confused.
and speaking of iwrestledabearonce....
chris himself appears in the video for their song "you ain't no family."
he's the one that looks like a mechanic.
no.
not that one.
the other one.
so yeah.
now you know that i know people in bands.
and i know that guy.
and you also know that i watch videos.
so you can take that trash talk right on out of here.
take the scenic route through the kitchen as i require a pudding cup.
now go on!
get!

1 - snoopy
2 - for dinner/darlene
3 - nosferatu man
4 - rhoda
5 - glenn
6 - breadcrumb trail
7 - good morning,captain

also: before you get all into this and you get into that "good morning,captain" groove and you're wating for that moment to happen (you know the one) you should know that it's not there. it just stops. maybe the person recording the show had to be somewhere. maybe their mom was waiting for them outside and they knew what would happen if they weren't back at the car on time. they didn't want to have to clean out the garage again or clean out the gutters again or clean out the gutters on the garage again. i'm not making excuses for the person. just cut them some slack,man.

DL

ashes - hiding place

label: network sound
released: 1994

as you lay there on the pull out couch you use as a bed you find yourself really wanting a yoohoo. but you drank the last one last night while you were watching skate videos. but you really want one. so you're going to have to take a ride down to the gas station. and that means getting out of bed. and that means having to get dressed. you could probably just put on the same "this is not a fugazi shirt" shirt and khaki shorts you wore yesterday. yeah. you really want that yoohoo. maybe the chick with the nose ring will be working. she seemed to like the shirt. thought it was funny. yeah. so you roll out of bed and plant your feet on the floor and you look around the room. so many copies of PUNK PLANET and MAXIMUM ROCKNROLL and HeartattaCk and SLUG AND LETTUCE. you need more shelfs in here. and when did you buy that into another album? you slide your foot over and nudge the case to quicksand's SELF-TITLED. and then you look at the wall at the head of your bed. yeah. you should probably take that promo poster for snapcase's LOOKINGLASSELF down. it always freaks you out for some reason when you wake up in the middle of the night having to go to the bathroom. damn you,yoohoo. and then you reach for your shorts....

and scene.

DL

comity - the deus ex-machina as a forgotten genius (andy warhol sucks)

label: united edge records
released: 2004

when you think of king crimson you usually think of bands with names like:
emerson,lake & palmer
genesis
pink floyd
rush
tool
yes


but here are some other bands that you can add to that list:
dazzling killmen
don caballero
ephel duath
fugazi
meshuggah
neurosis
ruins
slint
the dillinger escape plan
the jesus lizard
the mars volta
the postman syndrome
the ocean


and then there's this band.
they even mention king crimson in the title of one of the songs on this album:
"a farewell to a crimson king in a crimson way..."

so now that i've got you here....
this making of lists constantly.
it's becoming a problem.
it's gotten to the point where we can't even-
what are you doing?
put the pencil down.
put it down.
give me that notebook.
a list of reasons to make lists?
is this actually happening?
where did you get that notebook?
don't.
put that pencil-
give me that notebook.
a list of reasons of why this is happening?
you probably have a list of reasons to have notebooks somewhere don't you?
and in that notebook you probably have a list of reasons for writing lists in a notebooks.
what?
you don't?
where did you get that notebook?


DL

v/a - dgc rarities: vol. 1

label: DGC
released: 1994

i'll bet that you're not going to be able to guess what this here thing is.
i'll bet you any mannequin in this room that you won't be able to guess what it is.
yeah.
any mannequin in this room.
take your pick.
y'know what?
i'll bet you any 4 mannequins in this room.
yeah.
that's right.
go on.
give me a not right answer.
wait?
what?
a compilation of of b-sides and demos and whatnot by bands on the DGC label?
well done.
go on.
take the mannequins.
i don't care which ones.
i don't even live here.
but you might want to hurry.
i've been hearing all kinds of weird shit coming from outta that room over there.
and do you want the be the one to explain why all of the leather masks that were in the refrigerator aren't there anymore?
yeah.
leather masks.
in the refrigerator.
didn't think so.
no.
all of them are mine.
not yours.
you can have the pudding cups.
except for this one.

1 - teenage fanclub - mad dog 20/20
2 - nirvana - pay to play
3 - weezer - jamie
4 - cell - never too high
5 - hole - beautiful son
6 - beck - bogusflow
7 - sonic youth - compilation blues
8 - that dog. - grungle couple
9 - counting crows - einstein on the beach (for an eggman)
10 - the posies - open every window
11 - sloan - stove/smother
12 - st. johnny - wild goose chasing
13 - murray attaway - allegory
14 - the sundays - don't tell your mother

DL

the yoleus - nightmare circle vision

label: self-released
released: 2007

you like some dazzling killmen,yeah?
you like some don caballero,yeah?
you like some primus,yeah?
you like some sicbay,yeah?

well.
these fellas from the st. paul/minneapolis area are ready to provide you with some of that.
yeah.
that's in minnesota.
geeeeeeeeeez.

also of mention: dave erb of sicbay fame does his guitar thing here as well.

yeah.

DL

v/a - juice cd compilation #1

label: juice enterprises,inc.
released: 1995

i'm going to level with you on this one: before picking this up i'd never heard of any of the bands on it. except for maybe brickbat. they sound vaguely familiar for some reason. i'm not really sure as to why. and the song they placed on this here compilation was produced by steve albini. so that's gotta mean something,yeah? he just doesn't just go around all willy nilly with random bands. but yeah. not familiar with anything else here. from what i can see by the inlay card all of the bands come/came from the north carolina/south carolina/virginia area. so perhaps our resident expert on the musics of that area could possibly shine a little light on all of that. though you will have to invite him to your next sleepover. i'd do it but my parents don't like me having friends that i make them aware of. they're weird.

moving on....

i'd picked this up a goodwill. it was only $1. and it was still wrapped in the original protective cellophane wrapping. and i was taken in by the pixelated surfer and skater on the cover. i'm not really all that sure as to what's going on down at the bottom. but it doesn't matter. the pixelated surfer and skater were yelling at me. telling me that i wasn't going to be "extreme,bro!" if i didn't buy it. and i was all like "extreme,bro? that's some pretty big talk coming from someone wearing safety equipment." which caused the pixelated surfer to laugh and lose his footing and....

i don't want to talk about that anymore.
all i can say is that no one has seen him since.
and then the pixelated skater was all like "if you don't buy this and get me the hell off of this shelf,bro. you don't even know!"
and i didn't know.
and i don't want to know.

moving on....

so yeah.
bands from the north carolina/south carolina/virginia area.
some you may have heard of.
some you may not have heard of.
some you may have actually been a member of.

and in between songs you have someone named hadley eure reading something written by michael wexler titled "untitled" to you.

musics AND a story.
you can't beat that.
be extreme,bro.

1 - untitled pt.1
2 - brickbat - i'm a walkin'
3 - untitled pt.2
4 - white vision hasta - seafood
5 - untitled pt.3
6 - fluid grind - dancing trees
7 - untitled pt.4
8 - pandora's lunchbox - the mighty thor
9 - untitled pt.5
10 - railroad earth - burn
11 - untitled pt.6
12 - far too jones - ain't got time
13 - untitled pt.7
14 - sqwearl - first amendment
15 - untitled pt.8
16 - charlie's on acid - left closely
17 - untitled pt.9
18 - wreckin' ball - blue flame chevy
19 - untitled pt.10
20 - betrayer - mortar
21 - untitled pt.11
22 - boneyard - when you fall
23 - untitled pt.12
24 - after forever - slave
25 - untitled pt.13
26 - faith collapsing - lost
27 - untitled pt.14
28 - muthafist - new
29 - untitled pt.15
30 - sweet acidophilus - let freedom ring
31 - untitled pt.16
32 - rural swine - she's just 21

DL