Sunday, November 20, 2016

Beige Eagle Boys - You're Gonna Get Yours


Label: Reptilian
Year: 2014

Listened to this earlier today as I was building an outdoor table for my back deck. Not really from scratch, mind you, more that I was re-appropriating a set of old table legs that had a frame braced in place. So, it was a nice a square to begin. Then I ripped down some 2x8"s to make an outer frame, and a stiffer base to attach the table top. Those 2x8"s were bracketed together and attached to the existing frame. So far so good. Next I laid a nice, smooth piece of marine grade 3/4" plywood atop the frame(s). 4'x8', so it can serve as a dining table (not to be confused with a "dining room table" of course...it ain't that quality) and more importantly an outdoor ping pong (just shy of regulation tournament dimensions, but I mean, it's fucking ping pong, not table tennis. I'm not a Chinaman you know [and no offense to my Asian bros and sis']!) table. The top was screwed into the underside of the frame, and now we got ourselves a level and relatively sturdy table.
Then the dang Beige Eagle Boys come on as I'm preparing the final phase of construction, trimming out the edges with 1/2x1" strips. And this is where it goes south on me. Nothing is matching up...my mitered joints are laughable. Dangerous even! And I can't "blame" this album really...but at the same time...I can't blame myself right? Could have been the volume, or the involuntary head banging, or the combination of raucous screaming with a chop saw buzzing...don't really know. But, bottom line, these dudes owe me. They have put my outdoor entertaining in jeopardy, and that's something I just cannot let stand.

If you would like a combination of Whores. and Hammerhead and Cherubs, and Born Against, and KEN Mode, then I think you too will enjoy ruining a potential family heirloom woodworking project by listening to this album just a hair too loud (fucking neighbors giving me the stink eye...so jealous). Basically hardcore as executed by a noise rock band, with big, burly swing, and heavy duty low end punch. Total Amphetamine Reptile wheelhouse. Essential deck furniture building music. Look for this in Home Depot or Lowes next time you're purchasing varnish or whatever. Plus, bonus, they have an "ode" to Katy Perry, and I'm here to tell you, I fucking LOVE Katy Perry. Also, second bonus, they strangle Don Henley's 'Dirty Laundry' into submission and warp it almost beyond recognition. Play that one for your dad and watch his face wrinkle in disgust.

DL

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