Thursday, January 29, 2015

Baklavaa - Spiral Cramp

Label: Zoid
Year: 2013

Take a blender (or even a juicer if you have it at hand), and mix in 2/3rds parts middle Nineties basement hardcore (Halfman meets Shotmaker), 1/5th parts noise rock (emphasis on the weirdo noise part, like a Providence, RI circa 1998 band...Arab On Radar per chance?), a sprinkle of US style black metal (think of the droning-underwater Velvet Cacoon style), another 1/5th of messy sludge, and (I'm not very good with fractions, does this add up?) maybe a 1/8th of some of the more modern, frantic style of noise rock (like a Grids, or Twin Stumps, or something). Give it a thorough pulsing, making sure contents do not separate and settle. Pro tip: add chunks of frozen banana in lieu of dairy to give your smoothie a creamy consistency without the added fat.
Pour into a glass and immediately smash glass atop your head. Abuse meth. Quit job. Violate restraining orders. Live free. All volumes at maximum.


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