melvins - alive at the fucker club

label: amphetamine reptile
released: 1998

yeah.
it's been awhile since we've had the melvins on.
yeah.
i know.
it's a real got-danged shame.
i apologize.

and i hate to be the bearer of bad news but....
there is no such thing as the fucker club.
but we've put in some paperwork.
and of course we'll be hiring.
so the next time you find some stranger in your kitchen at 3:00am don't freak out.
remember.
we're hiring.
and that may or may not have something to do with the application process.

and now we've come to the part of the show where i share a personal melvins story with you.
gather 'round.
all of the windows and doors are locked.

once upon a time i witnessed the melvins play at the ozzfest. it was 1998 at alpine valley in wisconsin. they were (of course) playing the second stage. i'd seen alot of bands that day but the only one that i can seem to remember anything about are the melvins. i was perched under a shade tree as it was hot that day. the day had been pretty uneventful thus far. my friend and i were still talking about the folks out in the parking lot feeding acid to cows before they let everyone in (which if you really think about it: that's the perfect melvins opener.). the venue's parking lot was surrounded by pasture land. and this was pasture land in wisconsin so of course there were cows. on the way home i felt really let down by the fact that i didn't see any cheese pastures. i'd really wanted to go cheese tipping. but that's another story for another time. so the melvins had a 30 minute slot to fill. i don't remember who played before them. i don't remember who followed them. but what i do remember is them playing "boris" for the entirety of their time onstage. no one knew what the fuck was going on. no one wanted them to be there. "you suck!" and "get off the fucking stage!" and "who the fuck is this?!" and "did i forget the baby in the car?" was overheard the entire time. and when buzzo wasn't playing he was mocking the audience. it was fucking glorious. fuck you,fred durst!

calm down,grampa.
that was a good story.
now take your pills.

DL