fIREHOSE - If'n

Label: SST
Year: 1987

I've said it before, you've argued with me about it, but I don't care and neither should you. fIREHOSE (I'm sick of spelling it "right") are/were the superior band to the Minutemen. Sorry. Minutemen came first (that's what she said), and were contemporaries of all these great bands and everything, and had the whole philosophy, and fought the good fight and shit, yes, I get it. They even have a ton of great songs, really great songs. I get that too. But, they also have a ton of shit songs (they had a ton of songs), and they're insistence on being contrarian to the hardcore scene while simultaneously trafficking their wares in that very scene was...annoying.
With all due respect to the Minutemen, and what they accomplished, and, blah, blah, blah, can we all just agree that fIREHOSE finally harnessed Mike Watt's ADHD into pop perfection with just enough bite to make it perfect. Well, the first three albums anyway. I can honestly say that I never have heard the albums after fROMOHIO, and kinda never want to, as I assume they are terrible, based on the fact that girls in my high school all of the sudden started going to see fIREHOSE, and wearing their shirts. That was enough, I was out. Bring on Gorilla Biscuits, this fIREHOSE shit is played out.
But prior to that tectonic shift in what was allowed to be acceptable in my stunted ego...I fucking listened to the shit outta those fIREHOSE records. Remember when the Ohio Skateout video was an all SST soundtrack, and Neil Blender skated to "Brave Captain"? Fucking Neil Blender was competitive in a STREET contest! Damn, skating was so much cooler when a guy like that who had no business bean planting his way across the Dayton Arena, actually bean planted his way around the Dayton. And the whole goddamn Alva team was there too! Those dudes should have HATED competition, but there they were, with their haircuts and their leather jackets, and their sneers. There they were.
And here I am.

DL