Monday, May 18, 2009

Big Black - Den Haag Radio Performance - 11-26-86


Label: Bootleg
Year: 1986

This post is dedicated to my new favorite reader, "Anonymous", and in an effort to make him completely happy, I shall try to tailor my writing style to speak more directly to him.

So I was at the gym today, completely fucking shredding my lats, just getting cock fucking diesel, when this goddamn homo offers to spot me. What the fuck?! I tell the pickle-sniffer that the 5 lbs barbells are in the corner...next to the aerobics studio...burn! Go get AIDS and die you faggot. But whatever, I can't let no queerball through me off my game of total V taper! No way!
Then, I'm pounding a Muscle Milk shake after my 4 hour Superset workout (stretching is for pussies) and thinking about what lucky cunt I'm gonna be dick whipping tonight, when I here some dude mention "Big Black". Of course, I figure he must be talking about some new Jeezy mixtape, which would be completely fucking sick to workout to. I mean, I love that shit, "mask up, get the straps, ya it's hunting season, these niggas broke they choke, laugh at you niggaz, sit back and smoke". Yeah son! Yeah son! I'm always on the lookout for the illest gangsta shit to hype my workout.
Long story short, I download "Big Black", and it ain't The Snowman at all, in fact it's some faggot ass noise rock bullshit. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?! Goddamn fucking queer, motherfuckers! This sucks! This fucking sucks so bad! Argh! Fuck! I'm gonna date rape the shit out of some whore! Argh!

at

18 comments:

  1. julius orangeMay 18, 2009 at 10:23 AM

    hilarious. but not as hilarious as that picture of a very young albini.

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  2. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 11:26 AM

    I shit on eggs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    did cut your carbs and stack-up after your cycle.

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  4. SeanMay 18, 2009 at 1:33 PM

    Pure poetry! I also believe that "Cock Fucking Diesel" might be the best potential Big Black cover band name this side of "Passing Complexion". Phony Big Blackmania has bitten the dust.

    I admire a man who tucks his Die Kreuzen t-shirt in!! Thanks so much for posting this!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 2:44 PM

    damn, its weird how all these " anonymous " postings popped out, either your crew is making an effort to wash me out by mimic, or, more people are coming out of the woodwork ? i suspect the former ...
    i cant believe you'd give it this much attention though!!! Im god to your blog! how can you even take me this seriously? or if im a joke to you, how can you give me this much credit ? i mean you dedicated your post to me!? what happened to your blog dude? i pissed on it and it grew fucking ripe. big black is cool. you didn't peg me as well as you thought, or think, by the way, Jeezys mediocre .... AIDS jokes are kinda old but not in the classic sense, like calling you gay, that never gets tired, cuz its true and you prove it constantly. every move makes the razor wire sharper... you can't escape it so you try to feed off of it while ITS FUCKING YOU....bla bla bla... your blog is weak like anorexic kittens. just post some more cool shit and get off my dick.

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  6. nateMay 18, 2009 at 3:16 PM

    your blog is frail, dont you have your own shit going on or do you have to react so hard to some anonymous poster? its like you have no life, but, whatever... one pebble rippled your whole ocean

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  7. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    post more music. the musics good.

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  8. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    more music less talk, just like radio !

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  9. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    FYI, no more comments from me. Maybe this was your intention, by feeding into my behavior that I would get annoyed and withdraw, but you didnt need to do that. I wasn't planning on terrorizing you anyway. Look at your blog now, its not even about music anymore, your last post was an embarassment ( to you and your readers ). I continued to retaliate because I like talking shit but now your blog looks like a bunch of 12 year olds in a chat room. I don't want to play anymore. Your blog sucks, but you have good taste in music, your just not as cool as the music you like. And thats OK with me. I talked a little shit and you picked at it like a scab and now the damage is bigger and you're even uglier. So Lame. You should have just ignored me from the start but no, you had to jump on it, try to cover it, try to blend with it, try to mutate it into something else, anything,,,desperate. At the end of the day, its the internet and I couldn't care less. Have a nice blog guys, later.

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  10. MattMay 18, 2009 at 4:10 PM

    "At the end of the day, its the internet and I couldn't care less. Have a nice blog guys, later."

    BUTT HURT 2009.

    ReplyDelete
  11. GrayMay 18, 2009 at 4:14 PM

    i also like that you flatter yourself by thinking "our crew" is somehow ganging up to drown you, the One True Anonymous out.

    sorry my man, but there is no crew.

    no one takes you "seriously" either, you're just taken at face value, whatever that may be. i suppose you are "god" to this blog...but really, what is that? how are you god to a blog? shit sounds retarded even typing it, i can't imagine how stupid it sounded in your head as you were thinking it.

    all that aside though, the bigger picture is that you must have been invested into this website enough to form a pretty strong opinion about it's content, which is strange, because you continually call the people responsible for said website "gay" and the site itself "anorexic". where are your standards? why are you slumming around such a gay place?

    oh...i know why. i get it.

    and like i said in a previous comment, no one is asking you to leave, and your comments are always welcome. i think every blog needs that one "guy" you know? the guy who throws out racial epithets, calls everyone and everything "gay" (which you're right, is a classic, it works on so many levels), and then pretends that he's somehow above it all by casually stating how little he cares about the whole thing. i'm thrilled we found our "guy".

    thanks for making this blog cool, i'm not sure what we were doing before you got here.

    love ya,
    gray
    (which by the way, is my actual name...i don't have a fake internet identity, a fact that i know bothers you greatly)

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  12. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 4:34 PM

    there is one true anonymous, one true nobody and youll never know him and he doesnt even know and nobody cares and no one is there and no one can hear and this is all so ..... competitive. i like some of the music and grab the mp3s its nice to have on the itunes. thats why. yeah " i love you too " wtf ?

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  13. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    it takes no investment to shit on other peoples stuff

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  14. AnonymousMay 18, 2009 at 8:46 PM

    HELMET! HELEMT FOR LEATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SHITCOCKFAGGOT!

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  15. FlussMay 19, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    i suppose i'm not too threatening presently, but wait till i start Nautilus.

    ReplyDelete
  16. clintellectualMay 19, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    every time i search for big black on limewire all i get is ethnic porn.
    p.s. how do you date rape a whore? isn't that just called not paying her?

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  17. S. SilvermanMay 22, 2009 at 10:07 AM

    if life gives you aids, make lemon-aids!

    ReplyDelete
  18. BåndiJune 3, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    This naphthalene dream fucking imprinted its MOTHERFUCKING ID on the labia-sepulchre! I'm ready for the MOTHERFUCKING SLAVE-FEAST, MOTHERFUCKER!

    ReplyDelete