Saturday, October 24, 2009

revolutionary panic attacks



perhaps i should've posted this a little sooner

well...as mentioned before...the united sons of toil started out on their first ever tour back on the 15th of this month...and by the sounds of it...it all gradually went downhill...thank you very much,pretentiousness

it all started strong in minneapolis...then they played a south dakoduh (misspelling intentional) date at a community center in a town of roughly 600 people...this was a show 6 months in the making...now i could go on a rant about the supposed "scene" here in south dakoduh (again...misspelling intentional)...but i'm not going to...all i'm going to say is: for a bunch of folks that talk a good game about "getting the kids out and kick starting the scene" sure do sit around making their thumbs smell funny when approached with a list of bands that want to come and play...but enough about that...this show in particular was kind of a real letdown...the town is located about 15 minutes from a decent sized city...and about 6-7 people showed up (i didn't expect anyone from the town this was held in to show up)...i mean...come on...$6 isn't really an unreasonable amount to pay for a show...it's $1 a band...but honestly...there should've been a $5 fee at the door (i'll explain more on that later)...this being the first time i'd ever attempted something like this...and i've gotta say that it was probably one of the most disorganized things i've ever been involved with...the door was supposed to open at 6:30...show at 7:00...the person that possessed the key to the building couldn't be tracked down...so everyone zombied around the parking lot for about an hour before the town's cop showed up and let everyone in...as soon as the door opened up everyone piled in...then no one knew the order of who was on first and who was on second (and so on and so forth...that's a little abbot and costello humor for you as well)...first up was antonym providing some indie white boy angst (aka "the hip hops")...then it was dean armband providing some gang of four-like jams and a keyboard (funny thing is...earlier in the evening while talking to one of the bands i made the comment "a band with a keyboard isn't really a band"...i was proven wrong...as usual)...then the band armada was up...and this is where the $5 door charge comes in...now...i'll admit this first...as a band i dug some of their jams...they played that whole "power violence" thing and it took me back to a time when i was soaking that up like a sponge...and now for the band...their "singer" sounded like an angry chihuahua (except an angry chihuahua could probably form words better than he did)...and then there was their "drummer" who looked like he could barely keep up with the rest of the band...and at the end of their set i thought he was having a coronary because he slumped over his kit and starting lurching forward...and then eventually just threw himself over his kit onto the floor in front of it in a totally "heeeey! look at meeee!" moment...the other member of the band (the bass player) wasn't really all that bad and probably should've actually fronted the band as he was a better "singer")...and as this was all going down there was a guy that was traveling with the band practicing some pretty sweet "hardcore dancing" (or to quote a friend of mine..."hot topic pilates") behind everyone (you know the one...where the crazy kids pick up invisible change off the floor)...next up was the band agress...they impressed the fuck outta me...i remember saying to myself when i'd first heard them via their myspace player "these guys are from fucking iowa?!"...they really remind me of band 16...they could be best described as someone approaching a brick wall and bashing their body into until they made it through to the other side...and then once they got to the other side he'd take a sledgehammer to the remnants of the wall because the wall got his clothes dirty (i'll actually be posting their SELF-TITLED ep here soonly so you can find out all about it)...and then the band tree took the floor...they played an odd mixture of free jazz and power violence...and there was just something about a new born baby deer trying to stand up for the first time about their music...i'm not saying it was bad...just could use a little work...and then came the united sons of toil...i had been working with them for a long time in order to get them over here...and i'm not going to go into a description of the band...but do yourself a favor and snag up both of the albums i've posted on the blog (hereand there)...and if armada had chosen to stick around long enough to bear witness to the "40 year old punk rock guys from wisconsin" (armada's words...not mine...and just to add this: they're from fucking wisconsin too!) they would've found out what this thing they were trying to pass off as "music" was supposed to sound like...now...in the past i've given tusot a lot of verbal handjobs...but it's all been earned...they're one of the few bands keeping that early/mid 90's music mentality alive

so...going back to my original point: their tour

they're now down to the last 2 dates (they'll be playing the dojo in indianapolis,in tonight at 7:00pm and the 7th st. space in dekalb,il sunday at 7:00pm)...and you really should look into attending one of those dates if you live anywhere near those places...because if you don't...you're seriously missing out on something pretty sweet...so go out and show the boys what it means to stand in front of a crowd and slap some instruments around and have people clap their hands together in their direction

i can see into the future...and there's nothing all that interesting on the tv...and if you're gonna try and use the old "i need to do my hair/nails" crap...something tells me that they'll be there the next day

and if you really need a few more reasons to question the existence of the band armada...well...here are a few more checks to go into the "why do they?" box: during the band agress' set...their drummer was flailing himself around like a fat man with a chicken bone stuck in his throat (aka "hot topic pilates")...and then he managed to throw himself into a pile of chairs...and while doing so...knocking a window out of it's frame...the police were called and he was arrested for property damage (you see...the band tree were the one that set up the community center for the show...and the owner let's them do all of this for free...so instead of them doing something nice and then end up getting ass raped for damages...the police were called)...and by their drummer getting halled off to the pokey (if only this were in the literal sense in this sitaution)...suddenly everyone wasn't "hardcore enough"...and they somehow walked off with all of the money that was collected at the door

ah...those crazy kids

but seriously...make a serious effort to get out there to see the united sons of toil...and tell them i sent you...and maybe...just maybe...they'll let you in on the secret handshake

2 comments:

Jiffy Squidster said...

"a band with a keyboard isn't really a band."

Thanx for this one. That's what I always used to say, but nobody is listening.

Mars said...

Bullshit. Get Hustle.

 
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